The point is that hard-and-fast dating rules (like "No sex till date three") and old-fashioned expressions like the vile "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
" are antiquated and harmful—they produce all this unnecessary anxiety and shame about something normal and natural: dating and sex. Who knows: Maybe he's too picky, maybe he doesn't feel a spark, maybe he's commitmentphobic, or maybe he's just a game-playing douche.
So does Age Match.com, a website specifically designed for older men with younger women relationships and older women with younger men relationships.
We polled almost 1,000 18- to 35-year-olds about their attitudes on sex on the first date and whether they've actually done it. It's a misconception that is held by millions (spoiler alert: Cosmo's poll found that 83 percent of women believe men think less of a woman who has sex on the first date), but the truth is, most guys just don't think like that (67 percent of guys polled say they absolutely don't). In the history of planet Earth, no guy has ever said, "She's awesome. " says my friend Teddy, a designer, who has the guts to say what most guys really think."If you know that sleeping with someone won't bring out your best or will make you needy, it's a good idea to wait," says Andrea Syrtash, my cowriter on the book. Guys who are interested in you will still call and pursue you after they've seen you naked." Confession time: It's also possible that we won't call after a first-night hookup. I've had dates where I was only kinda-sorta feeling it, then we drank a round of margaritas, then another round, and soon we're making out and hooking up. "However, don't wait because you think the guy will lose respect or interest. And we gave the book's coauthor, Jeff Wilser, a chance to break down his POV. When he was 23 and living in Austin, Texas, a female bartender thought he was cute and asked him out.On their first date, they slammed tequila shots, danced to Patsy Cline, hailed a cab, made out in the back seat, and then stumbled into her apartment to do what single people do.Did they snicker, disapprove, and warn that she's only booty-call material? She hopped a flight to Chicago, he cooked, and they started dating long-distance. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't, and there are 357 valid reasons to wait, including: If you think the guy's acting sketchy, if you have religious or moral reasons, if he uses the expression , if you're a virgin, if you have an STD. The roots of this double-standard go back to the twisted mind-set that a guy who sleeps around is a stud and a woman who sleeps around is a slut. And would you really want to date that kind of hypocrite anyway? The fallacy, though, is thinking that date two would have happened if we had skipped the nooky. If the man and the woman are a match, it doesn't really matter when they hook up. They traveled to England as a couple, toured the countryside, and even stayed in a stone castle…where he took out a diamond ring and popped the question. )When researching the book, we found that many women decided to wait for their own reasons. Corollary: If they're not a match, it also doesn't really matter. Did Teddy think that she wasn't girlfriend material? "After a first date hookup, all I think about is whether I like her, whether she's smart and funny, and if I want to see her again." He did.They dated exclusively for a few months, and no, while it didn't end in a wedding (most relationships don't), their breakup had nothing to do with the boozy romp. As part of our research, my cowriter (relationship expert Andrea Syrtash) and I heard hundreds of men say the same thing again and again: Men are unfazed by first-date booty. A few years ago, Phil from Chicago (then 36 and an exec at a chocolate company) visited some friends in Toronto.If there's chemistry, there's chemistry, and from the guy's perspective, it doesn't really matter if we hook up on date one or date seven. He hit it off with a woman named Rica, who decided to seduce him."I just wanted to get laid," Rica told me, laughing. The almighty judges who make The Rules would be shocked—shocked! And then, the next morning, it was so much more intimate.